My neighborhood, as I've mentioned plenty of times before, is perhaps the greatest ever.  Really.  I live in North Tacoma, and I enjoy what seems to be the greatest community in existence.  As you would expect from any top-shelf neighborhood, we are having our block party this evening.  After all, it is the official "Night Out" day where you are supposed to get out and rub elbows with the people near you.  Familiarizing yourself with the people living nearby just may come in handy if a big earthquake, power outage, flood, or something like Red Dawn should occur.

Everyone from blocks around heads out into the middle of the street (we close it down with big signs and everything) and we fire up a couple bbq's, set up dessert and condiment tables, tables and chairs for eating, a guestbook...  you know, everything.  If you aren't doing this in your neighborhood, start organizing it now for next year.  You'll be surprised how little effort it takes when several people work together.  There is a donation box at our gathering where people drop a couple bucks in to pay for the Costco supplies.  It only cost about $120 for all the burgers, dogs, ...<< MORE >>

Today, The Oklah.. errr.. Seattle Sonics' attorney ripped a sports economist hired by the City of Seattle a new one in court, Ray Allen got himself a championship ring with the Boston Celtics, and Howard Schultz is still a pathetic piss-ant.

What is going to happen with the Sonics?  The city of Seattle wanted to demonstrate to the court that the Sonics' economic impact on the region is immeasurable, and that they should be required to fulfill the final 2 years of their lease with Key Arena.   I would sure like to see that happen, even though people don't seem to believe in contracts any longer in the sports world.  The fear in Seattle is that the new dipshit in charge of the Sonics (Clay Bennett) will find a way to buy out their end of the contract and scram as early as next season, back to Oklahoma City where the current ownership group has wanted to move them from the beginning.  In a story lacking anything positive for residents of this region, we did have a note of comic relief today.  The nu Sonics attempted to discredit an expert testifying for the city that they had previously attempted to hire for their side of the argument.   I guess that's how they roll in Oklahoma - if you can't buy em, slander em!  Yee-haw!

Ray Allen was traded out of Seattle last offseason because he didn't fit their plan to disengage the fan base, ultimately making the team easier to move.  You will remember the Mariners and the Seahawks almost left Seattle in the past 20 years, but the fans and/or local government stepped up to keep them here.   Clay Bennett and company knew better than to let the same sentiment capture their new team.  So they began slicing off piece after piece, reducing the team to a bunch of people we don't even know.  The master plan of deception started with the release of David Locke, Rashard Lewis and Ray Allen and finished with a couple new rookies courtesy of high draft picks, as well as a stodgy coach from the east coast.  These "strangers" were then kept away from local sports TV and radio stations, so as to maintain the severe disconnect in the local area over the course of the past season.  You want to know how the hell a fuckstick group like this got ahold of our team anyway?

That's where Howard Schultz comes in.  Aside from trying to sink his first love, Starbucks, he is solely responsible for the Sonics' current situation.  Out of nowhere, he appeared to rush the sale to a group known around the league for wanting to bring a team to Oklahoma City.  To make matters worse, they exchanged public handjobs with the commissioner of the NBA, who miraculously offered ZERO support for keeping the team in Seattle, their current home of over 40 years.  That's great branding, everyone.  Nate McMillan, aka Mr. Sonic, must have seen some serious writing on the wall when he left town a couple years ago to coach in Portland.  We were all shocked at the time, and Nate was too classy to give us the real reason for his early departure:  Howard Schultz.

You can change your coffee logo to look like a brown Rohrshach inkblot, discontinue your immensely successful line of breakfast sandwiches, and even switch your default milk from whole to 2%.  It's easy for me to switch to Tully's.  Howard, when you fuck with the Sonics, you really piss people off.  I believe you deserve every ounce of public ridicule and verbal abuse you endure when visiting your [once] hometown.  Cheers to your new summer home in Oklahoma City, asshole.

Almost forgot.. congratulations to Ray Allen and happy birthday to me!

Things have gone completely downhill since we last visited the topic of Tacoma's shiny, new red light cameras.  More of these little buggers are popping up all the time.  Kamerakrieg is well underway around town and I'm much more pissed off than before.  The dipshits over at traffic central are rumored to be enjoying the view from inside each other's asses; meanwhile red light camera revenue is piling up at a huge cost to local taxpayers.

Timing these intersection cameras with the downturn in the economy, outrageous gas prices, the sinking dollar, real estate crisis and stagnant wages appears evil and calculated at first glance.  Alas, I will have the politicians' back on this one.  It was not entirely evil calculation that got us to this point.  It couldn't possibly have been planned this way because they are too inept over there to be directly responsible for such accurate timing.

What can you do to help fight the war on red light cameras?  I would like to recommend that you avoid these camera-enforced intersections at all cost to avoid contributing to this diabolical revenue stream (not to mention sitting through green lights while waiting to turn left, for fear of being fined $100).

Don't we realize this is just the first step toward infinite public surveillance?  Is that where we want to be in 10 years?  I sort of like the idea of not being on camera everyfuckingwhere I go.  Who's with me?

Here it goes again (sorry, Rock Band is still on my mind).  Wednesday is upon us.  The weeks are flying by, and summer is almost underway.  You're going to blink and suddenly it will be fall.  You bitch about the weather all year long and even question why you live here at times.  Summer is your season.  It's time for you to get off your ass and DO SOMETHING.  Yes, YOU. 

Around here, Wednesday means taking a couple kayaks down to Ruston Way, dropping into Commencement Bay, cracking a cheap beer and casually paddling around behind Harbor Lights while the sailboat race plays out.  The degree of inner peace you will experience is staggering.  Just 50 feet from shore lies your Zen zone.  Your phone should stay home or in the car.  Did I mention the beer?

Not 30 seconds after you set adrift, you will be untouchable.  Nobody can bother you, and this, you'll realize, is just what the doctor orders, week in and week out.  No traffic, no text messages, no jerks, no sibling rivalry, no parental guidance, no responsibility (especially if you wear a life jacket).

The growing sentiment appears to be that many people do not have boats at their disposal.  Relax.  We can fix that.  You can either step up for a really nice kayak from  NC Kayaks, or Backpackers Supply (not worth linking their awful website - although, the retail outlet does have a great selection of high-end kayaks), or you can find more affordable options at places like Sports Authority or Joe's Sporting Goods.

I looked into kayak rentals for you as well.  Backpackers Supply seems to be your best bet.  Rates are $40/day, $85/weekend or $175/week.  Ruston Recreational Kayak Rentals can be a good option for some of you, but their boats are primarily for launching at Owen Beach on Point Defiance, and they close at 6pm.  While this is a fine place to paddle, it doesn't help much with Wednesdays on the Water, because the sailboat races across from Ruston don't start until 7 and we don't usually get going until after 6.

See you tonight.

BACKPACKERS SUPPLY 5206 South Tacoma Way Tacoma, WA (253) 472-4402

JOE'S SPORTING GOODS 5831 Main St SW Lakewood, WA (253) 722-5506

NC KAYAKS 2911 S Chandler St Tacoma, WA (253) 476-8582

SPORTS AUTHORITY 1905 S 72nd St Tacoma, WA (253) 572-9900

FLOATER!  FLOATER!  FLOATER!

The summer solstice party to end all summer solstice parties is almost upon us.  June 21st, 2008, Hell's Kitchen, Tacoma, Washington.  Floater.  I'm so flippin excited I just might have to change my pants.

Eugene/Portland's finest trio is on the road again.  They've been playing a lot of shows, releasing digital acoustic albums, collaborating on side projects and continuing to improve.  It's gross, really.

Call it coincidence that my birthday happens to be 4 days prior to the show.  I would like to thank the band in advance for my belated birthday gift.  Don't even worry about getting me a card.  Playing right down the street is plenty.

To hear samples and buy CD's, visit Floater's Official Website.  To get involved with other Floater fans, try Exiled.  Last but not least, you can hear a Tacoma acoustic Floater show from 2003 by visiting Floater Live.

Right here in the Proctor District of Tacoma lies an old world community staple.  It is a place where legends go to die, and rock stars are born.  Or something like that.  Just as a mission provideth shelter, a judge provideth order, and a  teacher provideth knowledge, Knapp's doth provide as well.   Not unlike any other public trust, Knapp's is there for any of us to use whenever we should need it.  However, we try to use it as infrequently as possible, for the sake of appearances, logistics, etc.  The comparisons could certainly go on.

How many of you out there have never been to Knapp's Lounge after dark?  If this is you, please get it in gear and get down there.   Watch a little TV, dial up the jukebox, have a couple see-throughs (if you please) and just relax.  It's dark.  It's clean.  The bathrooms are nice.  What more do you want? 

Tacoma residents, I summon thee to partake of the essence.  Having been in there a couple times per year for several years, I always expect to see more people.  The Proctor area is pretty good size and full of people, so I will be expecting to see more ...<< MORE >>

So it's been awhile since local coffee bars around Tacoma introduced scantily clad baristas into their workforce, and we still aren't hearing much about regulation on this sort of thing.  I guess this has a lot to do with the fact that the trend has slowed recently, rather than the opposite which I had expected.  It seemed every non-Starbucks coffee drive-thru was going bikini there for a minute, but that trend is on hold. 

Especially given the current, poor economic situation, businesses are trying anything to get your nickel, and half-nakedness is just one of many strategies being deployed.  Although I haven't seen half-naked grocery clerks just yet, I still worry that it won't be long.  Tight Cuts has taken this concept and run with it, providing haircuts with a sexual theme for a premium price.  At least they charge that premium.

The coffee stands that bundle sex with their product at no extra charge are really operating unfairly, IMO.  What is going to stop every struggling small business in town from putting half-naked people at the cash register in hopes of scrounging up a few extra pennies and staying afloat?  Think about half-naked plumbers.. smutty door-to-door salespeople..  decadent doctors?!

Is this really the path down which we are heading? If not, what is going to stop all this nonsense?
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Although unassuming in shape, cost-effective, and green, the cucumber should be considered, at best, as an option among many for a variety of things.  Salads, sandwiches, wraps..heck, even sushi.  It can provide the crunch and refreshing blast that, I don't know..someone must really enjoy - perhaps even often.

That being said, I would like to personally tell the dumb motherfu@%er in charge of the sushi over there at Metro Market to stop fu@%ing putting god-damned cucumber in all the motherfu@%ing sushi rolls you prepare there by hand every god-damned day.  Groundbreaking idea: substitute avocado, or just leave it out! If you must keep putting that sh!t in there, then don't be such a fu@%ing a$$hole when I, or anybody else asks you to make custom rolls in the future. 

It looks neat to have your little booth setup so we can watch you chop up your cucumbers, but we might also expect something from you on occasion, being that you are so accessible.

Thank you.
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The Viaduct is the latest all ages club to pop up in my radar and it happens to be one block from where I spend much of my working life. As I rarely go to random all ages shows that don't involve Floater, I will probably not find myself at this venue anytime soon. Obviously, I will have to rely on others to curb my current curiosity.

Kane Hodder is playing the Viaduct tonight, I believe. They will draw a crowd that knows a thing or two about music venues. As Kane Hodder opened for Floater not long ago, I respect them and their fans. Please, somebody, chime in with an account of the May 16th, 2008 Kane Hodder show in Tacoma.

Specifically, how is the club's sound system? And if you are a wee youngster, did you feel safe in there? Any riff-raff ooze in from the surrounding, industrial wasteland neighborhood? I would like to see more businesses succeed here, and it's great for kids to have hangout options other than bowling alleys, movie theaters, and malls.

Diversity appears to be at the core of Viaduct; I see they have a hip-hop show and a dance party scheduled in the near future to complement the expected rock shows on the calendar. They've even booked bands as far out as September! Good for them.<< MORE >>

I recently bought a scooter. Originally for neighborhood travel only, it quickly became about much more than just the post office, the bank, and the grocery store.  Within a week I'd traveled the freeway and traversed the Narrows Bridge. In an instant, the scooter became my preferred means of transportation. If it's not raining, I'm scootin. I can't afford to drive my car any longer, seeing as how the gas gauge on my scooter doesn't seem to move. So far I've filled up twice with supreme unleaded gasoline (currently over $4 per gallon in Tacoma) and it's set me back a grand total of $17.  How does 75 miles per gallon sound?

With events like 4th of July and the Tall Ships Festival on the waterfront, the Taste of Tacoma and Zoobilee at Point Defiance, or anything you can think of downtown, in the Stadium district or 6th Ave, a scooter just makes so much sense. Parking is never an issue. Traffic is never an issue. If you can stand to leave the dog at home and you aren't happening by Home Depot for a home improvement haul, life is surprisingly doable on a scooter.  Recent advances in technology even made it possible for me to safely transport a fresh iced latte 12 blocks in an earlier, controlled experiment.

Time to shake up your spring and summer! If you need something to perk you up in the morning, to send you to work with a smile and bring you home with an ear-to-ear grin, stop into Northwest Motor Scooters near 56th Street & South Tacoma Way and have Shana show you a scooter or two. They sell Vespa, Aprilia, Piaggio and Kymco scooters. I bet you find something in there that fits your style, your needs, your wants, your dreams...